-Right! -Who have we got left, then?
Er, just Clancy.
-Joe Mulligan's Clancy? -That's right.
Seems he's been vomiting again. It's probably someone he ate.
Odd sort of creature, that. Cross between an Airedale and a donkey, I imagine.
(CLANCY GROWLING)
Yes.
Look, er...
You wouldn't like to see him for me would you, while I look after that little lot?
I'd love to, you know that. But he did unfortunately ask specifically for you.
He says Clancy's known you ever since you were a little boy.
-Oh, I see. -Not frightened of the thing, are you?
-Me? Frightened of a dog? That'll be the day! -(LAUGHS)
There we are, then.
You know they were telling me down at the Drovers that when old Clancy's bored
he gets Joe down on the floor and buries him, just like a rat!
(CHUCKLING)
(CLANCY GROWLING)
-Good morning, Mr Mulligan. -Ah, what's that, son?
I said, "Good morning!"
Yeah and no. I'm not so. I'm not...
It's me feet you know. I'm a martyr to me feet.
You'd be hard put to find a foot flatter than that one, sir.
Unless it were this one.
Yes.
-Er, been vomiting again, have we? -Pardon?
-(SHOUTING) Vomiting! -Oh, yes, sir. Yes, sir, yes.
-He's been vomiting again. -Right.
Well, let's have a look at him, shall we?
(CLANCY GROWLS)
(GROWLS LOUDLY)
Well, he sounds healthy enough. It's a good, clear note, that!
Good dog.
(GROWLING CONTINUES)
-Well, he seems pretty lively to me, Mr Mulligan. -Pardon, sir?
(SHOUTING) I said, "He seems pretty lively to me!"
Oh, that's good, sir.
(CLANCY BARKING)
No, let me.
-Here we are then, Mr Mulligan! -Ah, Mr Farnon.
-The usual dose. -I'm grateful to you, sir.
All part of the service. And if that doesn't do the trick,
then bring him back again to see us on Thursday at 2:00.
-Thursday, sir, at 2:00? -2:00.
-Yes, sir. -And do try to be on time for a change.
Ah, don't worry, sir, I'll be here. (CHUCKLING) We'll both be here, sir.
-Good. -Won't we, Clancy? Come on, Clancy, we'll be here.
There you are, then. Thursday, 2:00.
-Thursday, 2:00. -Ah, now, let's have a look at this.
Thursday's your afternoon off.
And James takes Helen out on Thursdays!
Good Lord, that is so. Perfectly true, perfectly true.
Imagine forgetting a thing like that! (HUMMING)
I'm sorry to bother you, Mrs Hall.
No bother, Mr Herriot.
(SCOFFS) The way some people live.
I don't know. If they didn't have other people to look after them...
I'll be off in a few minutes. Then you can have the place to yourself.
Oh, I'll just love that.
I don't suppose you've had time to mend those socks for me, have you, Mrs Hall?
Well, now, as a matter of fact, I did. Mind you, it wasn't easy.
(SCOFFS) There were more holes than socks.
-How do you manage it, Mr Herriot? -Manage it? Manage what?
-Well, getting them in that state. -Oh, I don't know.
Wear and tear from the kind of work I do, I suppose.
-Well, how did you manage before you come here? -With difficulty.
You see, I used to buy two pairs of socks at the same time,
and then wear them till the feet dropped off,
and then I'd buy two more pairs, and so on it went.
-Bit expensive. -Wicked wastefulness.
-Yes, I suppose it was. -What you need is a good wife to look after you.
There's no shortage of nice girls in Darrowby.
Yes, well, I'm sure you're right, Mrs Hall.
Wouldn't be much fun for a girl on what I earn, though, would it?
Married life's not meant to be fun, Mr Herriot.
No.
-No, of course not, Mrs. Hall. I'm sure you're right. -I am right.
I may spend most of my time in my kitchen,
but even there I hear a lot of what's going on, and not only in this house neither.
Oh, yes?
You've been courting Helen Alderson.
Well, not exactly.
I'm not exactly courting, Mrs Hall.
I don't know what else you'd call it.
You better look sharp, my lad. A bird in the hand.
And there's many around here who would like to get their hands on that one, I know.
-Yes, well, thank you, Mrs Hall. -Ah, well.
You take heed of what I'm telling you. Otherwise, you'll find you're too late.
-Too late? -You know what I'm talking about.
About those socks, Mrs Hall?
In kitchen, on dresser.
(CHUCKLES)
(KNOCKING ON DOOR)
(DOG BARKING)
(KNOCKING ON DOOR)
(COUGHING)
-Oh, hello. -Mr Alderson.
I weren't aware we'd sent for a veterinary.
Well, this is more of a social call, really. Is Helen in?
Aye, she's about somewhere.
Oh, good.
Aye, well, lad, you'd best come in, then.
JAMES: Thank you.
(DOOR CLOSES)
Well, sit yourself down a while.
Thanks.
-Wet. -Hmm?
-The weather. -Ah.
How's your Dandy coming along, then, Mr Alderson?
-Eh? -Dandy, you know.
That little Jersey of yours, the one in calf at the moment.
Candy.
I beg your pardon?
Her name's Candy, not Dandy. Who the hell ever heard of a cow called Dandy?
Oh, yes, of course. Dandy!
-She's all right. -Good, good. Good.
(DOOR OPENS)
HELEN: Hello?
-Hello, James. -Hello, Helen.
-Sorry I had to nip out. -That's all right.
-Dad's been keeping you entertained, has he? -Oh, yes.
Yes, we've had a rare old chat.
Doesn't think much of me, does he? Your old fella.
-Course he does. -No, he doesn't!
Matter of fact, he can't stand me.
That's not true! It's just...
Well, we've always been very close.
You're a threat.
Any young man is.
Anyway, I can't blame him.
Let's face it, I'm not much of a catch, am I? Impoverished young vet.
I'm not even a partner yet. If ever.
Richard Edmundson, though. That's who your dad probably has in mind for you.
Rich.
Powerful.
-Handsome. -Certainly that.
In a toffee-nosed sort of way.
(CHUCKLES)
Would you believe me if I told you he's really very nice?
No!
-What the hell do you see in me? -(CHUCKLES)
-You're always laughing at me! -Perhaps that!
What was that?
I see you!
Go on, off you go!
I've been swindled, Mr Farnon, I have.
-Swindled, Mr Biggins? -Aye!
With that damned cart horse that that swine Beresford sold me.
That horse is nothing but a pig in a poke, a right dog!
-Really? -Aye!
There's something wrong with one of his legs.
He's walking all the time, somewhat like this. Look.
(ALL LAUGHING)
-I wonder if you could show me that again, Mr. Biggins. -(ALL LAUGHING)
Yes, with the greatest of pleasure.
Perhaps that end bit, just one more time?
-What, this bit, you mean? -Hmm.
Oh, when he's trotting, does he sound like this?
Nay, nay, nay, nay, nay, nay. No, it sounds more like this.
This?
No, no, no, not at all. I told you, he sounds like this.
-Stringhalt, Mr Biggins. -Aye?
Caused by excessive contraction of the flexor muscles of the heart.
You're quite right, you bought a pig in a poke. The condition's incurable.
I told you, aye? Aye?
-And that's not all, beside. -It isn't?
No, he's got something wrong with his waterworks.
Ooh, he has a hell of a job. He gets himself all worked up.
I wonder if you could show me exactly what happens.
With the greatest of pleasure.
(ALL CHUCKLING)
Excuse me, sir.
You know when I'm doing the accounts, Mrs Hall,
you know I'm not to be disturbed when I'm doing the accounts.
It's Mrs Dalby.
(MUMBLING)
Mrs Dalby? Why on earth didn't you say so?
My dear Mrs Dalby. Come in. Come in.
Thank you.
Come and sit down and make yourself comfortable.
And could you organise some tea and scones and things like that, Mrs Hall?
How about a spot of sherry while we're waiting, Mrs Dalby?
-Oh, not for me, thank you. -Are you sure?
Quite sure, thank you.
Well, how are you?
Oh, I'm all right, thanks.
-And the children? -Oh, they're fine. Thriving.
(CHUCKLING) Oh, good.
And how is everything up on the farm?
Well, it's... Er...
Mr Herriot's not here, then?
Ah, no, he's not here at the moment, no.
-Oh. Only, er... It was him I was wanting to see, really. -Ah.
Well, it's the herd.
I'm afraid some of 'em, well, they can barely stand on their feet now.
Ah. Dear.
What do you think it is?
Well, there are no indications of salmonella,
or anything of that kind. Mr Herriot checked and re-checked.
Some kind of poisoning, perhaps?
James has been over those pastures with a fine-tooth comb.
Tell you what, when he comes back I'll get him to come straight up to you
and have another look. How about that?
That's very good of you, Mr Farnon.
Mrs Dalby, I have absolutely every faith in James. He is a first class vet.
But if you would like me to come up and have a look?
-Just as you like, Mr Farnon. -(DOOR OPENS)
Ah, well done, Mrs Hall. You are a saint.
Now then, Mrs Dalby. Would you be kind and, er, pour it all out?
Right.
(LOUD MOOING)
(SIGHS)
Not so good, eh, Mr Herriot?
No, Charlie, I'm afraid not.
(MOOING)
(SIGHS)
Well, I'll go up there tomorrow, then, James. See what I can make of it.
Right.
-You don't mind? -It's got me beaten.
Well, we're not gods, James.
Just fumbling mechanics most of the time, working with pathetically inadequate tools
on vehicles we've hardly begun to understand.
Well, it's certainly got me beat for the moment.
Oh... James!
James, give me five minutes and we'll be off up to Dalby's, all right?
JAMES: Right, Siegfried.
-Ah, Tristan, did you see to Mulligan's dog yesterday? -Right, yes.
How was he?
Oh, same old thing.
(IMITATES VOMITING) I gave him a bottle of the usual stuff.
Yes. What did you make of the patient's condition?
Well, I thought he was pretty lively.
-Pretty lively. -Yeah, that's right.
I take it you examined the animal?
-Er, well... Not exactly, no. -Not exactly?
Well, I didn't really see the point, Siegfried.
I mean, I'd seen the brute only a couple of days before...
-Oh, I see. You mean you examined him then? -Well...
-No, not really, no. -No?
Well, the dog is as big as an elephant, Siegfried,
and there something a bit spooky about him.
Anyway, there was only old Joe there to hold him.
-You mean you were afraid of him? -No!
What I mean is, I knew it would be difficult and I was pressed for time.
Well, God help us. Here you are, a final year student
and that's the best you can come up with?
(MUMBLING INDISTINCTLY)
How many times do I have to say it? When an animal comes in here,
-I expect you to record pulse, temperature, respiratory... -Yes, Siegfried.
- ...and thoroughly palpate the abdomen. -Yes, Siegfried.
You open his mouth and examine teeth, gums and pharynx.
Check the condition of the skin and, if necessary,
catheterize him and examine his urine.
Yes, Siegfried, absolutely right.
(MUMBLING MOCKINGLY)
-I take it you made another appointment? -Oh, yes.
-When for, pray? -Monday evening.
-Well, you haven't put it down. Here? -At his house.
And so I should think.
Now for heaven's sake, he's a mere hound.
All right, he's on the largish side, but one mustn't let oneself
become intimidated by these things. I mean, you know dogs well enough,
if you show yourself the master, they're all cowards at heart.
Besides, we have integrity to defend.
And a professional conscience to satisfy.
Yes, Siegfried.
Right, then, er, Monday night.
Right.
Isn't it Monday evening that you and James go to the Young Farmers meeting?
Right, yes, you thought it would be good for the practice
if we mixed with the younger clients.
-Yes. -Good.
Ah.
(MOOING)
Hmm. Most mysterious.
Is there anything we can do?
Not a lot we can do.
Except wait and hope.
All right, Charlie, we'll be up to see them again tomorrow.
Are they going to die, Mr Farnon?
I wouldn't say that, Charlie. Where there's life, there's hope.
(MOOING)
Oh. Now, then...
You know what the worst bit is?
It's the way they stare at you with those big hopeless eyes.
And you know there isn't a thing you can do for them.
That's right.
But of course. Specs.
Hmm?
All those steers were wearing specs.
-Specs? -Specs! Spectacles!
Now, I was standing there staring at those blasted cows
and one of them was staring right back at me.
And I remember thinking, "My God, I must be going out of my mind.
"She looks as if she's wearing specs."
And of course she was, Siegfried.
-She was. -You mean, a ring of lighter hair around each eye?
-Yes! -Copper deficiency.
Right, loss of pigment of the coat, especially around the eyes.
(THUNDER CRACKING)
Well done, James, that's marvellous!
Now, I must get a mixture made up and get over there.
I'll give her a ring and let her know for you.
Would you mind if I told them myself?
No.
Course not.
-Cheers. -Cheers.
-Raining, is it, Tris? -You don't have to go out in it?
-I'm afraid, I do, yes. -Poor old chap.
Oh, I don't know.
(THUNDER CRACKING)
-I, er, just passed James in the hall. -Oh, yeah?
Hmm. On his way out into this muck.
(DOG PANTING)
Gleefully, I thought.
(CHUCKLES) Oh, yeah!
Is he all right?
Transfigured, I should have said.
(THUNDER RUMBLING)
Now, repeat that every fortnight while they're out to grass, all right?
-Right. -I know it's a nuisance, Charlie,
but it's the only way. Now, can you do that?
Oh, aye, we can do it, Mr Herriot.
Good. Good Night!
Aye. Aye!
(CAR APPROACHING)
-Bye-bye. -Bye. Thank you. See you next week!
-Hello! -Hello!
-Here, let me help you. -Thanks.
-How are you? -Fine, thanks.
I haven't seen you since the night of the dance. Where did you vanish to?
-To see a pig, actually. -Oh, yes?
What are you doing?
I'll drive you home.
Give me a chance to show off my new car!
-But Dad's picking me up. -I'll save him the trouble.
All right. Thanks.
This is lovely!
Yes, it's not a bad old banger.
(SCOFFS)
Hello!
-(HELEN HUMMING) -Young Richard brought you home, then?
In his Rolls.
Oh, them Edmundsons, you don't know what they're worth.
Hmm?
But then, money isn't everything.
No.
Except when you've got nowt.
You could do a lot worse, you know, than young Richard Edmundson.
I know that.
You'd certainly never want for oak.
There is that. I'll put the kettle on.
(HELEN HUMMING)
(KNOCKING ON DOOR)
All right.
-You wanted to see me, Siegfried? -Yes, come in.
-Er, there you go. -Oh.
Er, James is out, is he?
-Yes. -Good.
Sit down.
(SIGHS LOUDLY) Listen.
-Cheers. -Cheers.
Tell me, what do you think about James at the moment?
From what point of view?
The state he seems to be in. He's like a man in a trance half the time.
Ah, that's easily explained. He's in love.
Oh, that's serious, is it?
-Oh, deadly, yes. -(DOG BARKING)
Shush, you lot!
Now, this Alderson girl he's besotted with...
Are the emotions reciprocated?
Well, James certainly seems to think so.
Why, have you any reason to suppose they aren't?
Well,
just that I saw her across the road this afternoon with Richard Edmundson.
He picked her up in his Rolls Royce.
He's like a big, glossy spider, hanging after that girl.
(CHUCKLES)
Motionless with patient lust at the centre of his web.
Well, the thing is, James is such a slowcoach, you see, as far as women are concerned,
that unless he's careful,
Edmundson will have just whipped her up into his parlour and that'll be that.
-That would be terrible, wouldn't it? -Oh, wouldn't it, now.
James in love is bad enough. James rejected doesn't bear thinking about.
We've got to do something about it, Siegfried.
Yes.
Yes, I rather think we have.
(INHALING SHARPLY)
(SIGHS)
(THUDDING)
-James? That you? -Yes.
Ah, you're back!
-How did it go? -Oh, straightforward enough.
A bit smelly and messy, but apart from that.
Yes. It's a cold and dirty calling we have, James.
Yes.
(SIEGFRIED HUMMING)
Had an old friend of yours in tonight, paying a bill. Harry Forster.
Said he seen you on the tops last weekend.
-Oh, yes. -Amusing man, isn't he?
He was reckoning
we have a nice, cosy little nest here.
And it's time there was a bird in it.
They won't be satisfied until they've got you married off, Siegfried.
Oh, it's not me he was referring to. It's you, James.
-Me? -Why, yes, of course.
It's you he's always bumping into, walking your Helen all over his lab.
Poor old Harry.
And of course, er, he's quite right.
-It is time you were married. -Who, me?
(HUMMING)
-JAMES: Me married? You're joking! -I most certainly am not.
No money, nothing! I haven't even thought about it.
You ought to be ashamed of yourself.
I should be ashamed of myself? What about you?
All right, James, don't be impertinent. Ships that pass in the night.
Surely you don't think that about Helen?
-Of course not, but I'm... -Well, there you are, then.
-Now, you are courting the girl, are you not? -Well, yes, I suppose so...
She's extremely attractive. In fact she causes a traffic jam
-every time she crosses the road on market day. -Mmm-hmm.
She's also intelligent, equable,
and an excellent cook.
Do you disagree with anything I've said so far?
-No, of course not... -Then in heaven's name, man, what on earth are you up to!
You've got an excellent wife lined up, and you don't do a thing about it!
In fact, James, not to put too fine a point upon it,
I wish you'd stop mucking about and let us see a little action.
But I've only just met the girl! I can't go dragging someone off to the alter
-after the first fortnight. -Now, James, don't be angry with me,
but I'm going to tell you something about yourself for your own good.
Caution is often a virtue. In your case, you carry it altogether too far.
-Now, Siegfried... -Now then, James, please let me get a word in.
There's a time to be cautious, and a time to plunge boldly ahead.
Learn to take a chance, James, give a good gallop!
Or you'll never get over the fences!
Siegfried we are talking about marriage!
Till death do us part, and all that sort of thing.
-Not riding to hounds! -It all relates, James!
Besides,
to be brutally frank, I'm not sure how much longer I can put up with it.
-What? -Have you taken a look at yourself lately, James?
The state you're in, I'm just not getting the full benefit
of your assistance in the practice anymore. You walk around like a man in a trance.
You don't listen to what I'm saying,
and half the time I don't think you know what you're doing anymore.
I assure you, I'm very sorry if my work doesn't come up to scratch!
No, no, James. Don't apologise.
I understand perfectly.
Just do something about it!
After all, the cure lies in your own hands.
Siegfried, I have no home, no money, nothing.
But leap into matrimony anyway with a glad cry!
What sort of cure is that?
It's like trying to cure a headache by cutting your head off!
Oh, James, there you go again worrying about details.
-Details? -Yeah, you're a fully qualified vet.
So you'll never want for your daily bread and as for a home, this place is full of rooms.
You make it all sound so simple.
Get off your hesitant ways, James Herriot, and marry the girl
before Richard Edmundson steps in and beats you to it.
-Richard Edmundson? -Well, he's always about, isn't he? Hovering in his web.
You know the Edmundsons, they didn't get where they've got for lack of trying.
-I am going to bed. -There's a tide in the affairs of men, James.
Yes, Siegfried, you have made your point.
-Oh, hello, James. -Hello, Tris.
Uh... I say,
-have you seen Richard Edmundson's new car? -No.
-1929 Rolls convertible. -Oh?
-Didn't Helen mention it? -Helen?
Well, I just thought she might have mentioned it.
Now, why should Helen have mentioned it?
Well, it's just that
he was driving her around in it this afternoon.
-Oh! -Yes.
Didn't you see her earlier this evening?
Yes.
Oh.
Must've slipped her mind, I suppose.
Are you coming to the Drovers for a drink?
-No, thanks, Tris, I'm tired, I think I'll turn in early. -All right.
-TRISTAN: Good night. -Good night, Tris.
Poor old James.
Have a drink with me later.
-Hello, Mr Mulligan! -What's that, sir?
Oh, I'll have a pint, sir. Thank you, sir!
-How are you? -Still vomiting, sir. But well.
-Oh, Mr Farnon fixed him up, did he? -Aye, he did, sir. He did.
Oh, it's wonderful stuff, that medicine, sir.
He did examine him, didn't he?
It's funny you should ask me that, sir.
-Why? -He's a clever man, is that Mr Farnon.
And no doubt about it, sir, I've never seen a man work so fast.
-Three seconds flat and he'd seen all he needed to. -Oh, yes?
I'm there by the fire, see, taking my ease,
and Clancy's stretched out on the floor at me feet, when all of a sudden
there's a bang on the door and Mr Farnon comes jumping into the room...
Thank you, me love. Good luck, sir.
Oh. Ah!
Go on.
-What's that, sir? -Mr Farnon!
Oh, yes, sir! Well, he has his thermometer in his hand
as he's coming, sir. Well, Clancy's up in a flash
-and gives a bit of a woof. -(CHUCKLES) A bit of a woof.
And Mr Farnon comes straight out, and walks straight out again.
Straight as a soldier, sir. Next day, sure enough,
-he sends the usual bottle round. -Really?
-An amazing man, sir. Amazing. -Yes.
-I'll tell him you said so next time I see him. -Oh, you do that, sir.
Have another drink, Mr Mulligan. Another drink for Mr Mulligan, Betty.
God, you're a gentleman, sir!
(SIGHS)
Two rashers of bacon or three, Mr Tristan?
Nothing for me, thanks, Mrs Hall.
-Just a cup of tea, please. -Morning!
(SCOFFS)
-Oh, you look rough! -Rough night, James.
-Two rashers of bacon or three, Mr Herriot? -Three, please, Mrs Hall.
Same for me, please, Mrs Hall!
(MUMBLING INDISTINCTLY)
My word.
You look a trifle faded, Tristan.
Do you mind?
Oh, dear, another hangover?
Never mind!
Good Yorkshire breakfast is the very thing to take care of that!
Mrs Hall, can I have two eggs and two sausages with my bacon please, and makes sure there's
a great deal of dripping on my fried bread.
-Excuse me. -Sit down, Tristan.
Somehow or other we've simply got to teach you to go easy on the beer at night.
-Morning, James! -(CHUCKLES)
James! Ah, James.
-Oh. Where is he? -He's out.
Case?
-Secret mission, if I know the signs. -Ah, yes.
By the way, guess who I bumped into last night at the Drovers.
Not being a mind reader, I'm hardly likely to be able to, am I?
-Joe Mulligan. -Oh?
-Did he say how Clancy was? -Mmm. Pretty lively.
Yeah.
Yes, he said you'd had a look at him yourself the other night, briefly.
Yes, matter of fact I was in rather a hurry to get out to Lord Hulton's.
Yes, he said you seemed to be in a bit of a hurry.
In fact, he said he'd never seen anything like it.
The speed with which you assessed the dog's condition.
It was the talk of the Drovers all night.
Oh?
Yes, old Tom Hulton sounded fearfully urgent on the telephone.
When I got there the crisis was over, so I needn't have rushed.
Actually, I'm very glad you brought the subject up, Tristan,
because I've been meaning to have a word with you about Clancy.
-Oh, yes? -Yes, see I'm not at all convinced
that we've explored the causes of that dog's symptoms thoroughly enough.
-No? -Not with this vomiting.
A certain deprived appetite is one thing, but, uh...
But the least we can do is make absolutely sure, don't you think?
What exactly did you have in mind?
Well, I thought I'd drop a note in on Joe,
asking him to come in here with the dog at, er, 2:30 tomorrow afternoon.
-Tomorrow afternoon? -I take it I'm right in assuming
that you have no other pressing engagements at that time?
Well, actually, Siegfried...
Good, excellent. Couldn't be better.
Glad that's fixed. Come on, dogs! Come on, boys! (WHISTLING)
-It's very impressive. -Mary, Queen of Scots probably didn't think so.
-Oh? -She was imprisoned here.
(SCOTTISH ACCENT) Wretched English.
(CHUCKLES)
Helen, I wanted to a...
Oh, it's magnificent, isn't it?
It's beautiful.
I love you.
Marry me?
All right.
-Congratulations, James. That's marvellous! -Thank you.
-She's a wonderful girl. Much too good for you. -Well, I think so.
-When's the happy day? -Well, we thought next month some time.
-Ah. Have you seen her father? -Not yet.
What's that James? Haven't spoken to her father yet?
Well, I do intend to.
I believe it's good, otherwise he's going to get
quite a terrible shock on the morning of the wedding.
(SIGHS) It's a matter of picking the right moment.
You'll be needing a best man.
-Hmm! -He now possesses one.
-Oh. -Sorry.
Well, come on now, everybody, let's get some sleep.
You may have got yourself betrothed, James, but life does still have to go on.
(SIEGFRIED HUMMING)
(CHURCH BELL RINGS)
Oh, good morning.
(CLOCK TICKING)
(WHISTLING)
(DOOR OPENS)
(DOOR CLOSES)
(SIGHS)
Ooh! Not here yet, then?
Oh, no. Don't worry, it's only just 2:30.
Yes.
I suppose one could say that this dog is a somewhat difficult creature in his way.
I suppose one could say that.
So, the moment he arrives, what I want you to do is take hold of his head. All right?
Now, I'll nick in and grab his back end, of course hoping he doesn't kick.
And, er...
-Give him a sedative. -Right.
-After that, everything should be simplicity itself. (SIGHS) -Fine.
-(DOOR OPENS) -I'll be off, then, Mr Farnon.
Yes, yes, right, Mrs Hall.
Anything wrong, Mr Farnon?
Wrong, Mrs Hall?
Well, from the way you're both sitting there,
I thought something awful had happened.
(LAUGHING) No, no, no, Mrs Hall. Nothing awful has happened.
Yet.
Where the devil is the fellow?
-You know he's always late. -Am I supposed to accept that, just like that?
Damn it, we're not lackeys, we're professional men. Busy professional men.
I've got that colt to cut yet, Siegfried.
I've got that beast of Wilson's to see to.
We can't hang around here all afternoon.
-It's disgraceful, really. -Damned insolent!
They take advantage of you're good nature, Siegfried. They always have.
-Do you think they do? -Oh, yes.
We're just going to have to do something about that, aren't we?
All these people are gonna have to be taught a lesson, that's all.
Joe Mulligan's got to be made to realise that when I say 2:30,
-I really do mean, 2:30. -Right.
Fine!
(FAINT KNOCKING)
-Are you ready? -Yes.
-What was that? -What?
I thought I heard a knock.
-You did? -(DOG BARKING)
-No... -Of course I could've been mistaken.
The wind in these old houses plays the most extraordinary tricks with one's ear.
Come on!
JOE: Come along, Clancy. Go on.
Um... Careful there, Tris.
Mr Farnon?
-Are you there? -(CLANCY GROWLS)
(MR ALDERSON SIGHS)
-Have a nice journey? -MR ALDERSON: Ah, good.
It were draughty on that train coming back from Leeds, I'll tell you.
Anyway, how's Candy?
Any minute now, according to Bert.
She waited for me, then. Good!
He thinks more about that cow than he does about us!
(GROANS)
(SOFTLY) Ah. Ta.
James is coming over tonight.
Oh, aye?
To see you.
Oh, aye?
Oh, by the way, I saw Joe Mulligan out with Clancy earlier.
Oh, yes?
How did he look?
Oh, pretty lively, I'd say.
Oh, good.
Do I look all right?
Best you could expect, I suppose, with what you've got to work with.
(SNIFFING)
Er, you've had a bath?
Course I had a bath! What do you take me for?
All right, all right. It's just, um...
Well, you do smell a bit vile.
I was out cleansing over at Tommy Dearlove's.
I scrubbed myself raw and I still can't get rid of the stink.
-Uh, bit of a problem. -Mmm.
Um, is Mrs Hall about?
She's popped over to her sister's at Weeton.
Right then, follow me.
TRISTAN: There. Have a bath.
-I had a bath. -Have another bath.
And use this stuff liberally in the water.
What on earth is it?
It's Aunty Maggie's remedy. To be more precise, Mrs Hall's bath salts.
When things get too much for her, she locks herself in here,
smothers herself in this stuff,
-and dream she's Fay Wray. -(BOTH LAUGH)
I can't use that muck!
All right.
Go over to Helen's smelling like a slaughterhouse.
JAMES: Oh, all right.
(CAR APPROACHING)
-He's here, Helen. -Right.
-AUNT LUCY: Oh, Mr Herriot. -JAMES: Hello.
-Do come in. -JAMES: Thank you.
-Hello, love. -Hello.
All right?
(WHISPERING) Yes.
Something the matter?
No, course not.
HELEN: Sit down.
JAMES: Thanks.
(CLEARS THROAT)
-Oh, will you have a drink? -Yes, thanks.
-Mr Alderson. -Huh...
Oh. Oh, how do.
Well, I'll help out Lucy with the, um...
In the kitchen.
-Shan't be a minute. -Right.
How are you then, Mr Alderson?
Oh, not so bad, thank you.
-Yorkshire won, I see. -Eh?
Cricket.
Time wastrels!
It's a pity they've nowt better to do with the time than to
run around the field all day, innit?
Right.
(SNIFFING)
-Actually, I did want a word with you, Mr Alderson. -Oh, aye?
-About Helen and me. -Oh, aye?
You'd best come, Mr Alderson, she's started and there's something wrong.
-Eh, you've got your bag in the car, have you? -Yes, of course.
Come along, lad! Shift this end, that's my Candy he's on about.
Right, Mr Herriot. Everything's ready for you.
-Thanks, Bert. -There you are.
Have you felt inside at all, Mr Alderson?
Oh, aye, but there's nowt there.
There's no head, no legs, no nowt.
Not much room neither.
Right.
-Oh, thanks, Bert. -(COW MOOING)
Thank you.
(COW MOOING)
(SNIFFS)
(CLANGING)
(COW MOOING)
(SNIFFS)
(SNIFFING)
(MOUTHING)
All right, give me a hand here, will you?
(EXHALES)
-MR ALDERSON: All right! -(MEN LAUGHING)
(MEN CHATTERING INDISTINCTLY)
(CHUCKLES)
HELEN: All right?
-She had a twisted calf bed. -Ah, but he soon put her right!
But I'd go look at her.
What is it she's got?
It's another heifer. Picture of her mother.
-Beautiful. -Another one for him to pet.
Mmm-hmm.
-Are you ready for some supper, young man? -I'm ravenous.
Right. You come along with me, young lady. We'll leave these men to it!
Here, lad.
Get this in and an ounce side of that.
(SIGHS) Drop of the proper stuff, is this.
(GLASS CLINKING)
Ah!
What are you going to call this one, then, Mr Alderson?
Oh, er, Dandy, 'appen, eh?
(BOTH LAUGHING)
Mr Alderson, I'd like to marry your daughter.
Still muggy outside, innit?
Week of good weather would be right grand for the haymaking.
James, I'll tell you something.
I had a wife in a thousand.
She were the grandest lass for miles around here.
And the bonniest.
Nobody around these parts ever thought
she'd take up with a fellow like me, you know.
But she did.
(LAUGHING) Oh, aye!
Aye, she did that.
Course there were lots of others wanted to throw their cap through the door.
(COW MOOING)
(DOOR OPENS)
(DOOR CLOSES)
Well?
I've seen him to bed, drunk as the Lord.
Too much Scotch and nostalgia.
-Did you ask him? -Yes.
-Did he say yes? -No.
Well...
-What did he say? -Oh, he talked a lot about your mother.
What a wonderful woman she was.
She sounds a lot like you.
(SCOFFS) James.
James, is everything going to be all right?
Oh, yes.
James, what is that smell?
Don't ask me!
It's a very long story. And when I catch up with Tristan I'll kill him.
But...